confusion

it never seems to get any better,

as each day goes by things just get more complicated.

i wish i could fast forward to the end of it all, past the hurt the fear the pain,

at least to be able to preview it to see if its worth it or not.

1 year ago  /  Notes

it kinda sucks

as every day goes by, i only notice more andf more just how much life sucks.

one day things are perfect and your higher in happiness than ever before, then all of a sudden the unexpected happens and your whole world just crushes around you, and all the feelings of euphoria are gone, and you are left stunned,
you may aswell be standing naked in the middle of a busy subway.

and the only reason there is to explain it, you will grow stronger…well who the fucks cares how string they are, like really, i would rather be weak and scrawny than have to endure the fucked up pain of life, or have to watch those that i love fall.

i hate life, life is shit, theres really nothign good about it, for anything that may seem nice, is all bullshit, most of what you see if fake, all of what your hear is lies…what is the point?

yes my life is shit, yours may seem worse, and maybe it is, but in myself, mine pretty fucked up.

but as painful as the occurances in my life are,
i dont want to see my loved ones whom i care about have to go through the same pains that i have, sense the same loneliness, feelings of worthlessness and the sleepless nights on a tear soaked pillow.

so no matter what, i will always be there to support them, to do my best to improve the quality of their lives.

i love you

1 year ago  /  Notes

just wanna say……

life sucks…

yup. feel like shit still,

never gets much better….

going to be sad z7 lonely forever.

i HATE myself

1 year ago  /  Notes

hahaha….should i laugh or be way embarro????

well looks like jamesy boy has cracked the poops with me coz im all ‘hung up on taggart’ bahahahahah

frickin funny shit, all coz i visited taggart the other night and not james, now he has full on cracked tha sads with me!

so i tole the little boy that i aint hooked up on ANYONE and that im a big girl who can do what she wants!!!

then another funny thing, jarrod actually took the kids today :O OMFG
i went shopping and i didnt wana b home waitin when he got back so i went to miks place for a while just so he had to be waiting on me for once.
I missed 7 calls from him b4 i answered and then he was all shitty and asked me if i was at taggarts house! coz apparently ive been spending alot of time there lately hahahaha, altho its ok for him to have spent time with kasey AND fuck her, but you know….all im doin is gettin stoned out of my shitty fucked up world im in and chillin with taggz coz hes all kicked back and totally not tryin to get into my pants…if only james would try a little less hard.

so yea, word on the street is skye and taggz, what ya think bout that! hahaha

1 year ago  /  2 notes

tonight i wished for you.
i wished that i was loved by you and that you still cared about me like you used to,
that you still loved me.
Then i wished that you would love me,
that you would love me the way that i love you,

1 year ago  /  Notes

psycho chick

couldnt get into my blog yesti when i wanted to speak, and now i dont have that urge in me to be able to say the things i wanted to say.

i dont know if it really is just me and my mind that makes things the wya they are, or if they really are what they seem to be and im being stupid to questions my thoughts at all.

ive kind of caught him out, doin what i do not know, but i know there are things which are suss that im beign lied to about.

i caught him doing things which he wasnt meant to be doing, in places he said he wasnt, which ended up with me turning full on psycho stalker and chasing him thru the streets of echuca…….i followed hiom out of town but didnt trust that he would go home so i did a blocky and waited, and sure enough i catch him doubling back and heading into town again…..all i know is that there is something/someone in the east of echica that i cannot trust him near/with…..

again last night he had a party to go to, 2 hours after he said he would be home i go out looking, i go to the oparty but hes not there anymore….so off i head all psycho chick again to echuca, and i start searchin the streets of the east, only to find….but jarrod driving down one of the back streeets……how the fuck can this not seem suss, why say u will be one place and then sneak off to another???? so now i cannot rest until i do actually catch you, until then you will just twist it all to being my fault and acting all innocent…..now i need to find people who he doesnt know the cars of, so that i can stalk the places he says he will be, without him knowing im checking up on him….

i know im crazy, i wont deny it, but he sure as hell doesnt help me not be.

the last time i went completely psycho like this, i ended uo catching him out….the only difference this time, is that he is making it harder for me to catch him out because he knows where he went wrong last time so he makes sure to cover those tracks.

i wish i could just push him out of my life as he has done with me in his, but i just cant let go

1 year ago  /  Notes

depression….

is a Disease…..

its like a cancer that eats away at your soul

1 year ago  /  1 note

not getting there

thinsg arnt gettign much better, in fact things have taken a rather fast downward spiral in the past week, but i think ive got back to the surface from that again and am slowly crawling my way back up….so i think, who knows whats gunna fuck me up tomorrow.

well ive wasted my heart away.

i went to see him. to see if he was ok coz id heard he was rather sick, i tossed away my days plans to see him and care for him, to take him to the docrot, to be his loving wife…..and it got me nowhere.

he has a total cunt.
i tried to talk to him, i tried to sort things out, and he gave me nothing.
i asked if he believed it was worth trying to sort it out, and all i got was an ‘i dont know’, well fuck me dead, if you dont know, then its obviously not a fucken yes and therefore you can get fucked…i aint waiting around for you to decide to come back to once you have foudn there is ntohign better out there for you!

then to put the pieces together and realise that you do in fact have something going on with, KASEY, really cuts deep. real fucken deep…….burns like a muther fucka.

but today i took a trip back into memory lane, before you came and fucked my life,
i reminised on some of the good days, with friends who liked me.
sitting there with taggs, mikahl and amanda was such a spin, but it felt so warm and right.

so taggs and i sat with ‘billy’ and enjoyed it as it was, not that i wanna be that person i once was, but it was a weight lifted off the person whom i have become now….and i have realised just how much i had given away. how much of who i was had died with HIM, but now its time for me to requeem all that should be and find my own true person

1 year ago  /  2 notes